see the place where you use to live

That is when we know. Know what?,you ask. Everything. When life as you know it ends,that is when you will know the answer to everything,the answer to any question you may have in life. Now, I am not pretending to be a teen profit,or some guru that has all the answers with a zen tone of voice,and I am just telling it like i see it,know it, believe it,feel it.

Life is funny, you know. We have so many questions that go mostly unanswered everyday,wether it be from lack of being heard,or lack of having the nads to ask, it happens. I know that if I aske a question, it is always my fault...always. And I usually,most of the time,take the blame. But then I never ask the one thing that is on my mind, "if the answer to the question I just asked you is me,then what about what you asked me? Is the answer you? Or am I to take the blame for that as well?" We are typically creatures of the unfortuante thing, that if something happens to us,then it is our doing....no one else but ourself can do anything about it.

I don't know why I rattled on about the first part, like I still am, but trust me I will eventually,after a converstation about biscuts, and something else I will eventually get back on the road I intended. But I must take this journey through the woods before I get back to the interstate.

All of this thought was brought up to me by myself, by the words of someone,which were said to me..."but I can't trust you like I use to..." Why not? I made a mistake,similar to ones I have made since I was born,and the ones I will make until I die? Because I usually see trust as a yes or no thing...and when maybe comes into play then things must be complicated. But since I tend to trust everyone, then I might not be one to even speak on the subject. Because I am still the same exact person I was before, a little more broken,and what have you, but....why is this happening now? The trust seemed to have left far before I ever did what I did,I did what I could.I did, what I wanted, because it seemed to fillthe hole left by the already misplaced trust,it seemed to. It is my fault, but. I don't know. An I am sure a pshychological evaluation of my mind would be able to reveal to you the meaning of what I am really trying to say,but I can't get that right now. I still trust you, with my life, even if you loose all trust in me eventually. I do trust you. I say yes. Just sayin.

Good new my new years resolution "wait for it" I am still going strong on keeping it. In my eighteen years of living I have never done that.

I am watching Death Becomes Her. This is the movie that was watched the evening "The Book" came about, came to life. A time when things were simple,complicated,life. At that point things were great, like a sisterhood. Still now thinking back, I would love to make a screenplay, and eventually a movie about "The Book." The things that happened,the things that were said,and the girls that it is about. But I haven't seen the book since beginning of my senior year in high schoo, and I don't know if it is even still in existance. But I hope to sometime get it in the natural rotation of things,and begin the work from idea to screen. With permission from the other 3 ladies involved.

-Paige

"You sit there in your heartache waiting on some beautiful boy, to save you from your old ways,you play forgivness,watch it now, here he come,he dosen't look a thing like Jesus, but he talks like a gentleman like you imagined him...when you were young."

Is it silly?

Is it silly that I think I look good when I wake up most mornings?
Is it silly that music makes up most of my day anymore?
Is it silly that I have low self-esteem,yet secretly think I am awesome?
Is it silly that I really do wish I could go back and tell my younger self what to do so I wouldn't have so many regrets now?
Is it silly that I believe I have undiagnosed SAD,and think anything unusual going on with my body is cancer?
Is it silly that I won't settle for anything that does not make me happy?
Is it silly that I am unimpressed by fame in person?
Is it silly that I like to wake up slow, no matter what time of day I wake up?
Is it silly that I can sleep anywhere,but I have a before bed ritual for everywhere?
Is it silly that I know my family won't care that I have a new tattoo,but I still find it necessary to hide it from them?
Is it silly that I don't fear death in the slightest?
Is it silly that small moments in my life are the most memorable,and large events are the most forgotten?
Is it silly that I always turn my spoon upside down in my mouth before taking another bite when I eat ice cream?
Is it silly that I am sad about the fact I feel like I will never be good enough for her to talk to,like she did my other friend?
Is it silly that I feel alone in crowded rooms?
Is it silly that I feel more at home in other people's home rather than my own?
Is it silly that no matter how many people tell me I won't do it, I still think I can?
Is it silly that I know I am a screw up,and don't care?
Is it silly that I want people to read this...my whole blog...so they can get to know me better?
Is it silly to dream?
Is it stilly to imagine?
Is it silly?
I don't think so.
But then again,I am silly.

I Can Do It

You can do it!

It won't happen!

So many mixed signals. All sent to me by those people who I should count on for support full on. But ever since my dreams,goals,and what not have become "unrealistic" "hard to get to"; those people no longer support me in the way they once did.

I have all the faith in myself to accomplish what I want in life.

I know i can do it!

Even if they don't...

Even if i have to encounter failure on the rise to my success in life.

I know I can do it!

To some, I am just a girl...I am a girl...true.

But I am not just a girl...I am Shawn Paige Turner...I am a talented,quixotic,amazingly quirky,beautiful on the inner and the outer,dream until the stars refuse to shine girl.

No matter what they say.

This is what I say...this is me.

My dreams.

My hopes.

My wishes.

You don't have to believe in me, just like they.

But I have to believe in my self.

So to me...

"You can do it!"

So can you.

The Chest That Holds The Treasure

When things come to rest, it suppose to feel like peace,and inner calm that shows on the outer. Life can suck, or seemingly suck,but someone always has it worse than you. All the whining in the world will not change that.
Things can change.
People can change. Even if it does not seem that way,it is as true as ever. Maybe its them maturing,or the chance that one just decided something different that totally changed their life.
I don't believe in hate, but being human holds me to being a hypocrite sometimes...which leads me to confess that I do at times express...bleed hate.
But with a little music (All you need is love,don't you know its gonna be alright) I am brought back down to Earth; to realize that I will be fine,they will be fine,we will all be fine...the actions of so many seconds ago suddenly appear nonexistant.
Happiness is a warm gun,makes sense to only some of the most intent and insightful of people;typiccaly Beatles fans.
But what is happiness really? To me its a total content feeling with life,and myself...for the most part.
What is it to you? I don't know.
You can tell your reasoning or keep it to yourself,it is your secret to keep.
And if you don't believe that happiness is and existing thing...then I am truly sorry. But I hope that you look at your life...really look...really think. I hope you find it.

"I could be happy with all the money and possesions that I could ever want. But I also know I cold be happy living in my car or on the street. Its not about the treasure in the chest,but about the chest that holds the treasure."