I Should've Known Better

I'm sure everyone feels lonely sometimes. I know I do,probably more often than I should. But there is usually that moment when amongst the empty feeling in your head is overcome by the fullness of you heart. Because the heart usually knows what the brain wants to deny,and that is you are never really alone. More often than not,you are probably on someone's mind.

In this life we gain friends,and lose them. Some we are glad that we once knew,others we wish we had never met,and then there are the ones you want to keep forever. Growing up never showed much for me personally on the friend front. It seemed like every year the "best friend" from the previous year had all but forgotten we had a bond at all,and I was sent packing my crayon box to find another friend. And at some point I just isolated myself and tried to be friends with everyone. When the "Cheer War" went down my 6th grade year I was the one that hung out with the guys just wondering why all of this was happening;because it was one of the dumbest things...even at that age I knew it.

And now it seems as if things are happening in the same way,just in a larger frame of time. I feel like every time I move,I lose the friends that I once had,and have to make new ones. The only thing now is I don't have a pot of people to kind of pick from because I am no longer in school,and don't have a job. And I have never been the best at meeting people. So I am now stuck in what seems to be one of the lonliest times of my life so far.

I spend my days at home. Doing my online classes,doing chores,and looking for jobs. All while the rest of the world seems to be interacting with one another. I just feel left out all of the time. I feel like those people I were once to close to don't even care if I exist anymore or not. And I'm close to giving up trying to get their attention. I even sometimes feel like my mom has left me behind.

When it gets down to it. I can't help but feel alone and isolated. I mean I get jealous that my sister,brother,boyfriend,and even my parents all have their friends,and it seems like I don't.

Even though I should know better.

At this point I don't.